Cuyamaca Emotional Skills Provide Important Steps of Improving Relationships Summary

John Gottman wrote “The Relationship Cure” book to show the main ways of enhancing emotional connection that will build strong relationships through providing insights on the way we navigate our emotional commands, how our emotions are affected by our history and family ties, and how we communicate to others while trying to make a bid or receiving a bid. To start with, in chapter 4, Gottman explains the seven different types of command systems that regulate our emotions and, depending on how they work, might affect the ability of a person to connect with others. Different factors determine the most comfortable command system that a person will feel at the comfort zone like gender, genes, and experience, posing a danger of under or over activation of different command systems linked to health issues. Understanding the most effective command systems in self and in others helps determine the most effective strategy of approaching them or giving feedback to their bid that will facilitate easy emotional connection. After a comprehensive understanding of emotional commands, in Chapter 5, Gottman focus on the impact of emotional heritage like emotional history, family emotional philosophy, and enduring vulnerabilities. Emotional history is critical in understanding the relationship between emotional heritage issues and the command systems. Gottman also notes that family philosophy is the biggest influence on the development of emotional command systems, which is categorized as coaching, dismissing, laissez-faire, and disapproving, which are critical in achieving emotional intelligence. However, Gottman provides the vulnerabilities that might affect our conditions and the ability to connect emotionally and avoid them. Apart from the command systems and emotional heritage affecting emotional connection, Gottman also discusses the importance of emotional communication skills in Chapter 6.  The author provides the verbal and non-verbal symbols and expressions that individuals use to make and receive bids, how they are expressed, and how we interpret them, and how it is likely to affect the ability of a person to make or receive bids.  Finally, Gottman explains how we can effectively express these skills to improve the way we make or receive bids, increasing the chances of having an emotional connection with another person. To summarize everyt, Gottman’s helps provide a guide for enhancing emotional connection by providing insights into how brain emotional command systems, emotional heritage, and emotional communication skills relate to making and receiving a bid for emotional connection.

Through the book “The Relationship Cure,” the relationship expert, John Gottman, narrates the three main steps of achieving emotional connection to establish meaningful relationships: understanding the emotional command systems, analyzing one’s emotional heritage, and sharpening emotional communication skills. The first step, brain emotional command systems, is in chapter 4, where the author explains what they are, their types, how they work, what affects them, and how they impact the process of making or receiving bids. The author says that there are seven different command systems of which work differently in individuals based on factors that affect them, like gender, experience, and genes, which might cause some of the command systems to be over-activated or under-activated under different circumstances. The differences in how the command systems work affect the emotional connection process. Understanding it helps find ways that a person connects to others well as they understand themselves and others better based on how they are likely to react. The second step, analyzing one’s emotional heritage, is in chapter 5 covering three main elements: emotional heritage, emotional history, family emotional philosophy, and existing vulnerability. The history of emotions that a person undergoes helps them learn how they may impact their current situations and thus makes it easy to identify and overcome them. Depending on the emotional philosophy of a family, it will influence the way they develop their own emotional philosophy, which can determine the stability of their relationships in the future.Finally, the existing vulnerabilities are marked by painful experiences, and being aware of them is critical to ensure that they do not affect the ability of people to form relationships. The third step, sharpening emotional communication skills in chapter 6, focuses on the verbal and non-verbal cues that people can use to enhance making or receiving bids to facilitate emotional connection. The major elements of communications are understanding the face, reading movements and gestures, touching, tonal variations, putting feelings into words, and speaking metaphorically. The key to successfully doing this is through mastering the art of listening and observing as another person speaks. Based on the analysis of the three chapters, it is evident that we must know our emotional command systems, emotional heritages, and different types of emotional communication skills to enhance our ability to make or receive bids.

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